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Dead And Gone
"I don't think I can do this." "Try closing your eyes." "...Why?" "You'll be alright." Dead And Gone Finally, the battle ends. The struggle between life and death has been difficult, but it is finally over. You smile faintly, looking at those around you. It's going to be alright, even if things have changed. You're rather tired after fighting, but you make an effort to stay awake, to stay with everyone else. There are still things to do, those to mourn. Mostly, you'd like to get rid of the blood soaking your fur. But it's alright, and that's the important part. You're still very tired. The others around you try to give you healing herbs, but you refuse them. You don't need them, and they should be given to the ones who need them. Slowly, you close your eyes. ~ Flash Backwards ~'' In the distance, you can see a silver she-cat, who has been cornered. She's bleeding, and looks terrified. You want to reach out to her, but you're not sure how. In fact, you're not entirely sure who she is. Silver fur, black stripes, she's not very memorable. But something in your head clicks when you see her, and you struggle to remember her. ''What's her name? You're positive she's important, but her identity is a mystery. You just want to know who she is, but you don't know how to ask. Plus, she looks like she's about to die. You want to do something, but what can you do? You're weak too, and you have to be able to defend yourself. There's three cats surrounded her, and you can't take them on yourself. You wish you could remember who she was. Why do I want to save her? ~ Flash Backwards ~'' Cats flank around you, and you panic. Claws go out, and you realize you're trapped. You scratch violently at one of the cats, and kick away another. However, a third jumps you, and pins you down. "This is what you get, traitor. LakeClan took you in, when you had nothing!" Your eyes widen at the admission, but you say nothing. Instead, you struggle beneath the large cat, trying to fight them off. "You can't do it." One of the cats hisses, "Filthy rogue." The large cat slashes across your stomach, leaving an open wound. It's not very large, but you're bleeding very quickly. ''It hurts... The cats leave you after that, and you struggle to your paws, vision blurring. "Took me in? What do they... Oh..." ~ Flash Backwards ~'' Everyone has gathered for battle. You're still unsure of where to stand, but you know what you need to do. Loyalty doesn't matter. Finding the truth does. Cats surround you, as Silver glares at Heatherstar. Nobody speaks, but ears are flattened, and tails are swishing. You know this battle will be brutal, and you don't know what to expect. But who do you fight for? How hard must you fight? Who will you defeat? There's a charge, and suddenly, you're surrounded. You're scared, but the only thing you can do is fight. Something inside you makes a choice, and you find yourself sparring with Reedfur, one of your kithood friends. "T-Traitor..." He whispers at you, before spitting blood in your face. You realize what you've just done, but this is no time to think. Heatherstar spins around behind you, and you slash your claws at her before she can recover. She snarls at you, her eyes filled with anger, "Y-You... You filthy rogue! I trusted you! I made you my deputy, and I put all faith in you... How long have you been planning to betray me?" You bite back tears, and whisper, "I will do whatever it takes to find out the truth." You push Heatherstar backwards, and run off, before she can find you. ''I'm a traitor, yes. But I also know what I'm fighting for. Suddenly, you're pushed against a rock wall. ~ Flash Backwards ~'' You know what's coming for you. A battle, worse than any before in time. There have been other battles in the past, but this is a war. It will be fair, unlike Heatherstar's plan. Heatherstar wanted to make an unjust strike in the middle of the night. You are secretely afraid of what is going to come of this. While your position as a spy works to feed false information to the group, you have told them the truth. You're still not sure what side you're on. While you've lived in LakeClan since you were born, you have some connection with Silver's group. Actually, you have a connection with Silver herself. You're not quite sure why, but Silver means an awful lot to you. You fear the battle in the horizon, because it's going to be a life and death situation. Whose side are you on? ~ ''Flash Backwards ~'' Your eyes flicker, as you enter Silver's camp. Truthfully, you're exhausted, but you have to tell Silver what's about to happen. Heatherstar's plot to wipe the rogues out has gone on long enough. Pepper looks at you when you enter, and she nods, directing you towards Silver's den. The she-cat looks up when you approach, "Ah, there you are. What have you heard?" ''Tell the truth... "Heatherstar is planning an attack. Three days from now, at moonrise. I wasn't supposed to tell you that." You admit, "She wanted it to be a surprise, but I can't do that. I was told to give you a false date, but I'm done with lies. This battle will be fair." Silver mulls over this pulse of information, "But how do I know I can trust you?" You swallow, "You can't. But it's better to have this information now, than to have no warning whatsoever." "True. Very well, I accept your words." Silver mews, "Hopefully, this trust is not misplaced." You look into Silver's eyes, your heart panging, "What are we going to do, if we lose?" Silver sighs, "I don't want to think about that. For now, just pray we win." You move closer to Silver, and she frowns, before letting you lean against her, "I don't know if I can do this." Silver gently licks your ears, "Hush. You don't have to worry. I believe in you." "Silver, truly... I don't know. I don't know anything. Why do I feel something when I look at you? Why do I want to defend this place? What am I doing?" You cry. "If we knew, then nothing would ever happen." She whispers. You're afraid. ~ Flash Backwards ~ "LakeClan, gather!" Heatherstar's voice rings out across the clearing. You sigh wearily, and walk into the crowd. Heatherstar looks down at everyone below, and grins. "As all of you know, rogues have been terrorizing our fair Clan for much too long. But, that is about to end!" She pauses for dramatic effect, and to let the crowd go wild. Whitefeather nudges you gently, "Come on, cheer! We're so close to the end!" You smile weakly at Whitefeather. While she means well, you know that this will not end well. But the earnest look in her bright blue eyes makes you forget that for a little while. Heatherstar begins speaking again, and you look up, "In three days time, we will make a strike at moonrise. From there, we will slay them in their sleep!" More cheers. You can feel a stone sinking in your stomach. Whitefeather nudges you again, "Please, say something. I'm worried about you." You shrug, "I'll be fine." Cats disperse, and Heatherstar glares at you. You quickly come up to where she is standing, because by now, you know that glare means 'come.' "I want you to lie to that group. Give them a false date, false time, anything." She hisses. You nod, and leap back to the ground. Whitefeather is waiting for you. "Hey, don't go just yet, whatever you're doing." She mews softly, "I'm here for you, alright? Always." You purr gently, "I'll be fine, Whitefeather. But thank you." She dips her head, "Be safe." You wish it were that simple. ~ Flash Backwards ~ You can feel your heart rising in your chest. Guilt is running through your veins. "What am I going to do?" You don't know what's going to happen. Talking to Silver isn't helping, and Whitefeather doesn't know the truth. Fear is overwhelming you. You don't even know where you belong. LakeClan is where you were raised, but Silver's group is where your loyalties have lied. Now, you're stuck in the middle. You have to make a choice. But you're scared. "Where do I belong?" You don't know. ~ Flash Backwards ~ You look at Silver, begging silently. She glares at you, before speaking. "Why are you here? You know things are bad. Is there something you need?" She mews. You sigh, looking away from her piercing gaze. "I don't know what to do. What life to pick." You admit. Silver scowls, "Seriously? There's a war going to happen, and you can't pick a side? Why did I ever- No, I won't go there." Go WHERE? You mew, "What do I do, Silver? I... I don't know what to do. It's all piling up. I've been on your side since my apprenticeship, but now, I'm deputy... and..." Silver noses you, "Hush. It's alright. I know you trust me." "What do I do? I can't have a double life forever." You whisper, choking up. Silver muses, "Well, you can bear the weight, or..." "Or what?" "Or push into the sky." Silver says. You flatten your ears, "That was not helpful. I'm going home." Silver snorts, "Where's home? You said it yourself: You can't choose a life." You narrow your eyes, but don't speak. Then, you run off into the darkness. ~ Flash Backwards ~'' Heatherstar glares at you, "Get over here!" She hisses. You quickly pad up to her. She mews urgently, "Look, I have a plan for you. The rouges will attack us no matter what, so we need all the information we can. I'm going to send you in as a spy." You tense. You've been working with the rouges for the past several moons. In fact, you almost officially changed your alliance. If you hadn't been made deputy, you would have left right away. Heatherstar nudges you, "Listen to me. You can get all their information, and report back to me. We can win this war, before it begins." You dip your head, "I can do this. I promise not to let you down." You're lying, of course. You wonder if this makes you a double agent, or a triple agent. Who's side are you on? You're not quite sure. You pad away, feeling guilt risng. ''Do I stay in LakeClan, with Heatherstar and Whitefeather? Or do I join Silver, and her group? You want to be able to choose, but you can't. There's just no possible way. ~ Flash Backwards ~ Your name is chanted through the crowd. Heatherstar flicks her tail, and mews, "That is all!" Whitefeather purrs, "Hello, deputy." You try to smile, "I suppose." She mews, "Come on! This is great!" Is it? You try to purr, "It is. I've got to send off a patrol now. This is... StarClan, who thought I was good for this job?" Whitefeather mews, "You'll be fine. Go on, now!" What am I going to do? "Right... Duskflower, Beetail, take Swiftpaw on a border patrol." Can I tell Silver? "Go by the border. There's been some scent there." I'm a traitor... "Make sure no cat is lingering." Whose side am I really on? ~'' ''Flash Backwards ~